This anticipation is killing me! I was all prepared to leave the house at 11:00 this morning. Wow, was even ready early and sat down at my computer to play for a bit at 10:20. This is unusual for me. At 10:30 I called the surgical center to verify everything was running on time and we would be good to go. Ugh, they delayed me another hour, but said I should call before I leave again, in case they delay me longer. So, I have some time to play, to think, and do burn.
First thing I decided to do was post a picture to twitter of my outfit. I mean it’s a really serious decision I had to make today: what to wear to brain surgery! HAHA. I finally made up my mind and decided to wear yogo pants because clearly they are the most comfortable thing a woman can wear, but I did not choose just any yoga pants; I wore my KCCO chivette yogo pants because when you are about to have somebody shave your head and crack open your skull, any reminder to Keep Calm and Chive on is quite helpful. Additionally, I wore a sports bra because it’s way easier to put that on when I get go home. Bonus: It’s one of my favorite colors – turquoise, and it looks like a tank top. Next a wore a white racer-back tank top because I love tank tops and can’t do without them, plus, it makes me feel pretty due to the lace and my lack of makeup today. It doesn’t matter than nobody will actually see the lace because it is only on the back and I am wearing yet another layer over it! Lastly, I have my zip-up KCCO hoodie. I love hoodies, they are comfy, and cute, and relaxed, and of course just one more reminder that I should just keep calm.
So now that the important decisions have been made for the day, I have begun to think about all the amazing people in my life who have been there for me in all of this. I have my husband sho takes care of me, understands that life sucks in this state, and does whatever he can to make it all easier. I have my mother who keeps telling me to settle down because it’s all going to be fine, plus she is coming out to visit me. I have my grams and gramps who let me call them a lot and tell them everything as it develops, plus they listen patiently. I have my sister that tells me I’m fine. I have my other grandma, and my friends, Mary Beth and Heather who have text or called to wish me well. There is my cousin Chelsea we text me as well. Then there are my friends Kami, Tyler, and Joel who prayed with me last night. And I cannot possibly forget all the amazing friends that have sent me Facebook messages, commented, sent their love and their prayers. I have such an amazing support system and I know that I am very lucky!
The last thing I have to think about today is the surgery itself. I know a lot of people can be nervous to go under because they fear they may not wake up. I have been that person in previous surgeries, but for some reason, today, I have no fear that I will wake up. I know I will. For a while I feared the worst outcome of the surgery though – either losing the ability to move the left side of my face to include smiling, or to loose my hearing completely in my left ear. They ask you a million times if you are sure that you understand the risks and if you are sure that your symptoms are debilitating enough that you really feel like you have to have surgery or if it would just be easier to live with the symptoms. Trust me, I have questioned my answers many times. I can drive short distances – like less than 20 and I have a husband to drive me longer ones while I dope up on motion sickness medication. I could always just never exercise anymore and eat hardly anything to keep my figure. I could just take Xanax for the rest of my life to prevent my panic attacks and noise associated with the tinnitus…or I can just get the surgery and actually function again fully in the way that i did before. Alright, surgery is the right choice. Now my biggest fear is waking up and there being no change or the surgery having made me worse. I just wish I could see the future and know without a shadow of a doubt that this is the right thing to do.
Holy cow! I need to just get this waiting over with. The more time I sit here and wait, the more I have time to question it all. Let’s just get this surgery on already! Alright, well, I’ll talk t you from the other side!
P.S. I have my silver sparkly slippers on as well! They give me special magical powers and strength!
When every detail matters 